rhetoricpig

Angela Bofill-Can't Slow Down, from Let Me Be The One '84. Cage and Copywrite- Weather Report from Big Fam Remixes. DJ Q-Bert- Hawaii Scratch Training Session off of Rise: The Story Of Rave Outlaw Disco Donnie.

912 years ago, I mean 913 years ago, me and you are standing in the Eagle's Nest, it's in the Persian mountains, up high. I'm me, rhetoricpig, and you're the emmisary of the current Persian potentate. Who by the way is the leader of the largest army ever. In my ever grandiloquent way I say, "Yo, look over there, you see my guard guarding at that cliff, turret thing? Well, check this out!" Rhetoricpig, me, raises his palm as if to wave, clenches all his fingers save the pointer which is left aimed at the lighest of blue skies. In a seemingly noncoincidental yet fantastic event, yonder guard suddenly transforms into a white-robed cartoon anvil plunging towards the ground. Having not actually transformed into anything with the compression strength of iron, just being a guy that jumped off a cliff, he reaches the deep and distant solid ground with the expected terminal and wet results. No one was pushed. But you are afraid. I continue to speak, "Your king wants me to... I have seventy thousand men and women and children ready to do the same for me, or better yet take somebody with them, and your king wants me to bow to him. Tell your king I'd rather see him bow to me. Go. Go, and every time you speak, thank me, rhetoricpig, that you still have a tongue in your mouth."

Okay, so that is a bit melodramatic. And no it wasn't rhetoricpig or a distant piggy ancestor, rather it was Hasan al Sabah, The Old Man of the Mountains, the leader of the Assassins, the famed Hashishims. And the story is lifted with liberty from Akron Daraul's A History of Secret Societies. But how the Old Man got such allegiance is by far the more interesting story.